I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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