ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize