Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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