I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
