The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
