i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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