I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
