I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
