Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
