Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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