from now on my penis is your penis
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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