Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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