Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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