shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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