just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
