i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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