We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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