i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
