you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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