No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
