Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
