i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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