you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
