I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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