Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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