dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
