How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
