He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
