too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
