I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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