before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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