C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
