Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
