is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
