Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
