Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think your dad took our porno
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize