I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
