I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
