He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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