Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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