I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
