I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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