so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
