1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
