I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You pole danced in your parka.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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