please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize