The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize