I'm really into asian looking animals
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
