her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
