he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
