Operation Purity has been aborted
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
