I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
