he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
