Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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