Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize