uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
