You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
