Need sex. Gaining weight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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