I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
